good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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