Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
