I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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