I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
