i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
