so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
