Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
