God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
