There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
