I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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