Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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