So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
