john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
