how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Also, beer. Big fan.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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