her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
