Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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