can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
