do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
