Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
