So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
