I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
