i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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