i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think my moral compass just broke
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
