a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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