you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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