The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize