Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think my vagina is haunted
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
