Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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