i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
