The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
