Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
