I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
