I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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