i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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