I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish you could order shots online.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
