How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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