So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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