party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
