I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
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riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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