Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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