I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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