**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
