I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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