Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
