Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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