Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry š¬
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
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