your parents love me but you hate me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
