I must be too annoying 4 u.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
