who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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