So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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