I didn't shave. On purpose
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
