It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
