You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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