Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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