it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
