i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
