if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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