Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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