Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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