I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
