I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
