Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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