Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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