I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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