My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
