I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
