God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
