Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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