u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
